The question for this week is “How does God want us to use our resources?” When I first read the question, I almost laughed out loud. I had just finished a spiritual direction session via Zoom and one of my most powerful insights during this Session was that I had given too much away.
I’ve always been of the mindset that the more you give the more you get. I still believe that. However, I have more recently come to understand that you also have to give to yourself. Some of our gifts need to be spent on ourselves. For example, I consider myself a deeply caring person. Because of the care I share with others, I have many friends and many people who care about me in return. BUT, do I let that care in to my heart and my life? Do I allow the care that others offer to me and share with me into my life deep enough to heal my broken parts? Or when I receive care do I just think of another way that I may want to return that care. It’s a little like a dinner invitation to someone’s home. Having dinner with friends is most enjoyable if you are not sitting there thinking about how and when you have to return that invitation!
Following my father’s death a week ago, I have received numerous cards with beautiful notes on them. I have loved reading the cards and I will hold onto them for some time. I have to admit, though, that as I read the cards one of my frequent thoughts has been “Oh I’m not good with sending cards. I really ought to send more cards to people who are struggling. They mean so much to me.” In other words, I’m not allowing your care to heal my broken heart because I’m also measuring myself as a very poor card sender!
We all do this in a variety of ways. Someone makes a meal for us and we immediately start considering how or when we can return a meal. A neighbor brings over a selection of Christmas cookies and we berate ourselves for not baking cookies and giving them away. Someone offers to run an errand and we say “no” because we don’t want to put them to any trouble.
The wonderful and unconditional love of God for each of us is just that – wonderful and unconditional. We don’t have to measure our deserving of it. We just have to receive it. As we let it into our lives, we will find that we truly want to give to others because we want them to know our joy. However, we first have to let that unconditional love in to heal our broken places. Only then, will we be able to use our resources for others.
In this season of Lent, my prayer for each of us is that we examine what it is we most need to receive as well as what we most need to return. Only then does our giving have meaning and influence.
